Book of Mormon Marathon

Our family visited grandparents the first weekend of January.

That's my excuse for not knowing about our bishop's "Book of Mormon Iron Man" earlier. By the time I learned that he'd challenged every ward member to read the entire Book of Mormon before spring general conference, I figured we'd lost too much daylight to make it happen.

Oh, maybe I could swing it as an adult if I buckled down and hurried. But my four kids (ranging in age from 7 - 14)? No way. Did I start my personal Book of Mormon Iron Man? Hate to say it, but, um, no.

Mid-February, my husband had an idea that was both shocking and totally amazing:

What if the family had a Book of Mormon read-a-thon over President's Day weekend?

My gut reaction was, Wow. Neat idea, followed quickly by a mental snort, Yeah, right, and finally, Hey, why not? We should totally try it!

So we did.

The kids jumped on board right away. The only person in the family who wouldn't read the entire 531 pages would be our first grader. She'd get to read the illustrated version and count that.

We sat around the dinner table and discussed what food to have around the house . . . because Mom wouldn't be stopping to cook regular meals . . . and fun snack food is, well, fun for something like this.

We went shopping for the big weekend. We bought a take-home pizza to bake for Sunday dinner. We cleared our schedules as best we could.

Friday night after dinner, we began. That would be just a brief taste of what was to come: about two hours of straight reading before bed.

The next day, Saturday, we started bright and early after an easy breakfast. You could find the six of us scattered throughout the house: my son draped across this couch, a daughter curled on a bed, my husband in his home office. All of us reading sacred scripture. A few scheduling things we couldn't clear got in the way of making a solid day of it, but we made good progress.

Sunday, aside from going to church, we did pretty much nothing but read. (I think the older kids might have even sneaked in some chapters during sacrament meeting). By the end of the day, we weren't quite as far as we needed to be, but we'd made a lot of progress.

Monday was the last day of our long weekend. All of us (except for the first grader, who was beating us with her illustrated version) had almost half of the book left.

Could we all finish in just one more day?

I don't know that most of us even bothered getting dressed; we read and read and read. But somewhere around 9:00 pm, everyone was DONE.

Cheering and celebration followed. The sense of accomplishment on each of my children's faces was priceless.

I personally learned a lot through the experience, finding connections and having themes jump out at me in a way they never had before, because I was reading the entire thing so quickly and could make the connection between what I read yesterday to what I was reading now.

We discussed the marathon with the entire family. My husband expressed a similar experience to mine: he noticed many things he hadn't before, largely because he covered so much material in such a short space.

The kids obtained a fantastic overview of the people and history of the Book of Mormon. One said that reading it so fast was almost like reading a novel; she finally "got" the story and understood often-quoted scriptures better because now she had a context they fit into.

Every Sunday between the marathon and general conference, the bishopric member conducting sacrament meeting reminded the ward where they should be in the Book of Mormon if they were to finish the "Iron Man" in time. Every week, my kids grinned because they were already done.

A few tips for doing your own Book of Mormon marathon:

• Carve out a large chunk of time. Three days plus two hours on Friday was cutting it close. If we could have started even a couple of extra hours earlier (have an entire half day Friday), we wouldn't have been squeezed for time at the end.
• Meals and snacks. It was amazing how much more we could get done when food was at our fingertips. Blood sugar drops, and sometimes all we needed just a bowl of grapes or a cookie to keep going.
• Schedule a few breaks. Time them so you can get back to work, and decide in advance what you'll do during them. For example, one break on Saturday consisted of the family playing Dance, Dance Revolution together, which got our blood pumping, took our minds off tiny text, and was additional bonding time. Sunday we took a break to eat dinner (pizza baked in the oven). We ate that meal together and talked about our reading.
• To help keep your mind from wandering, consider listening to the Book of Mormon while you read. This does take longer, because most people can read quite a bit faster than a book is read aloud, but it's a great way to keep your mind connected to what you're reading for hours and hours.
• An additional benefit to listening and reading: Two family members said that this method helped them retain more as well. Hearing and reading simultaneously cemented the passages in their mind better than either alone.
• Note that you can speed up the MP3 recording. At one point, we had some family members listening to it at nearly 2X speed. That sounds fast at first, but you get used to it. It's still quite a bit slower than you can read silently but speeding it up makes for a quicker read than the regular voice, and it's still understandable.
• To make the event feel more like a family activity, do what we did: read 1 Nephi 1 and Moroni 10 aloud together, making sure every single person gets a chance to read a few verses. That let us officially start and end the Book of Mormon as a family.

Our Book of Mormon marathon was an amazing, bonding, and testimony-building experience for our entire family.

And get this:

The kids loved our Book of Mormon marathon so much that they want to make the marathon an annual event.

Just a sneaking suspicion, but I'm thinking we just landed on a new family tradition.

The Real Message of Easter

I stood inside a huge cathedral in Jerusalem that, by a large number of Christians, is revered to be built over the burial place of the Savior of the world. The wing I stood in felt like a vast, empty cavern with arched ceilings. It was built of cold, gray stone. The light was dim, and the room felt cool, making goosebumps stand up on my arms.

Before me was what looked like a small, elaborate building, covered with gilded decorations. A low arch marked the opening, where a line of people waited for their turn to go inside and see the stone slab where so many believed the body of Jesus Christ had been placed after His death. A somber priest with a tall, black hat and robe and black beard to match, manned the traffic going into the shrine.

When my turn came, I quietly ducked under the low entryway and stepped inside the tiny room. In front of me, an elderly woman, fingers gnarled with age, knelt beside the stone slab. She wept as she prayed to the hunk of limestone, above which were hung icons representing Christ. She kissed her fingers and touched the tips to the tomb.

And I stood there, feeling . . . nothing.

I could not fault the woman for her genuine devotion, but I couldn’t feel the same thing. The light, the peace and warmth, I knew from the Spirit and from my experiences in the temple weren’t here. Instead, the tight space felt almost claustrophobic.

I left the small enclosure feeling heavy and dark, wanting to warm up in the bright summer sun waiting outside the doors.

It wasn’t until my visit a few days later to a different place dubbed “The Garden Tomb,” that I realized why I had felt so heavy and empty before. We walked along the meandering path that led to the tomb. Sunlight filtered through tree branches, casting dancing shadows across the beautifully landscaped grounds.

When we reached the carved-out cave, we were allowed to step inside. It had similar slabs for the dead as the other, gaudy, tomb had. This time, no one knelt or kissed the stone.

As before, I didn’t feel an overwhelming sense of peace or confirmation that this was, in fact, the correct burial place of the Redeemer.

After everyone had taken their turn inside, we gathered in a semicircle nearby, and our tour guide pointed to a sign hanging on the door of the Garden Tomb: “He is not here: for he is risen” (Matthew 28:6)

And suddenly, I understood.

The strange sensation of heaviness had come before because the woman was praying to a place where her god didn't belong. He wasn't there.

Whether either of the tombs I visited is the “real” one doesn’t matter. The entire point of Christ’s life, death, and the Resurrection is that wherever His original tomb resides, it’s empty now.

This is the glorious message of Easter, of the Resurrection. This is the joy and the triumph.

He is not here: for He is risen.

Beyond the Wedding: What about the Marriage?

I planned for my wedding day with the utmost care to every detail. After all, like many young girls, I’d dreamt of that day for years. I was all of ten when I began designing my wedding dress—a gown my mother sewed with silk-covered buttons, a lace bodice, and a skirt Cinderella herself would have envied.

The cake was gorgeous, with shiny, ribbon-like bows of hard taffy encircling each layer. Even my husband-to-be approved of the cake, since it was chocolate inside (although convincing me to pick that flavor didn’t take much on his part). The deep red I chose as the main wedding color proved to be elegant next to the white of my gown and the black tuxedos.

Like so many brides with stars in their eyes, I was young and naïve. While my husband and I are now preparing to celebrate sixteen years since the day we knelt across the altar, I think back and wonder if we could have gotten a better start if we had prepared for our marriage as much as we prepared for the wedding—because while the wedding day is certainly important and memorable, it’s just the first day of the rest of a bride and groom’s journey together.

What really matters is the time and all eternity that follows. Any time two people join together to form a new unit, there will be some level of change, compromise, and even, at times, unease. If there is never any kind disagreement (not necessarily a fight, but if there’s never a difference of opinion, then one party is dominating the other, and that, too, is unhealthy).

When preparing for marriage, an engaged couple might do well to consider sitting down together and going over some basic questions regarding expectations. Use the list below as a jumping off point. Know that it’s not an exhaustive list, just a place to kick-start the process and give you ideas of the types of things that might be important to you and might need discussing.

Remember: what one person sees as the “obvious” or “normal” way of doing things maybe totally foreign to the other. You’re both coming from different worlds, both of which seem perfectly natural . . . to you.

One of you may assume that a certain spouse will take care of the finances, another childcare. That household duties will be split a certain way. That holiday traditions will go like this or be spent at specific in-laws’ houses, and so on. Meanwhile, the other person will have completely different ideas.

Discussing such issues before marriage will prevent many surprises and help both sides work out compromises beforehand, instead of ending up with argument and hurt feelings when expectations are suddenly dashed months—or even years—into the marriage. Granted, there will be surprises and compromise; you can’t anticipate every possible unknown going in. But trying to be prepared for the marriage as well as the wedding can help.

Consider:

• Who will be responsible for housework? Will it be split up? If so, how?
• How will we budget? Who will pay the bills and balance the checkbook (or will we do them together)? When?
• What is each of our philosophies about debt? Will either partner be bringing previous debt into the marriage? What do we think is okay to go into debt for? What is each of our strategies for paying off debt versus putting aside money into savings?
• Will Mom stay home from work after we have children? What about after the children go to school? How involved will Dad be when he is home? (Define “involved” as best as you can. Does it mean changing diapers? Coaching soccer? Reading books? Singing lullabies?)
• How often will we have “dates”? What will we do on them and how much will they cost?
• What about travel as a couple? Travel as a family? How often? What kinds of trips and how expensive is okay? How do we pay for them?
• What can we spend on gifts for one another for special occasions? Do some occasions warrant bigger gifts than others (birthdays and Christmas versus Valentines, for example)? What is our budget for each?
• How many children will we have? How close together/far apart? Is this something we can negotiate?
• How will we split the holidays between our families? Will we reach a point of having some holidays with just our family? How will we make that transition?
• Where will we live? Are there places either of us refuse to live? Are there places one of us is eager to stay or move to?
• What educational plans does each of us have? Does either of us want to get more education now or later? How will it be paid for? What are our goals?
• How often will we plan to attend the temple? (This may largely depend on where you live.)
• How important to us and how regularly will we have things like individual/personal/family scripture study and prayer? When we have older children, will we have early morning scripture study?
• How will we discipline our children?
• What are our expectations for our children? (Grades, Scouting, Young Women Recognition, employment, driver’s licenses, missions, college, extra-curricular, etc.

The list could go on and on, and some of the answers may even change over time as the marriage progresses. As engaged couples discuss these types of issues, not every point needs to be brought up in one sitting, and many questions may not have clear answers yet. That’s fine; at least the list can get you thinking about the topics and establish a pattern for communication. For that matter, discussing one at a time might be wise so you can really get into the other’s way of seeing things, try to understand them, and find ways to blend two worldviews into one new—united—life.

While I’d never tell a bride to ignore her bouquet, the bridesmaids’ dresses, or any other part of the big day, I’d also remind her that while yes, the day circled on the calendar is an end—it's just the end of her life walking the path alone.

But it also marks the beginning of a brand new journey—one she’ll take in tandem with her eternal companion.

Building a Great Book Club

How can you make sure your book club is a great one? I've been part of groups that were nothing more than chat sessions. Others have chosen books that don't lend themselves well to discussion or have a narrow appeal. And others have been fantastic experiences.

Below are ten tips for giving your book club the best chance it's got for being great, as well as a list of possible titles to get you started.

1. Have a regular meeting time.
For example, always meet on the third Wednesday of each month. This way members can schedule ahead and put it into their calendars, and there aren't any surprises. You'll have better attendance this way.

2. Stay Connected with E-mail.
Compile your group members' e-mail addresses. Have your group leader send out reminders and updates to everyone. You can also set up a Yahoo!-type group where book club members can ask one another questions about the reading, ask for copies of the book to borrow, and so on.

E-mail also allows members to RSVP, which is very helpful for the hostess in knowing how many to prepare for. And of course, in the event of a cancellation or meeting time change, everyone can be informed with a mouse click.

3. Avoid the Holiday Rush.
To avoid the craziness that Thanksgiving and Christmas time bring, instead of a regular meeting in December, hold a Saturday brunch early in the month. And instead of expecting everyone to get a book read (again, something hard to do sometimes with the rush), have members bring a book to give away in the classic "White Elephant" game.

My book group has done this for years, and this last December, the leader added a twist: bring two or three books you already own but are willing to give away. It was a great way to recycle, save money, and still have fun.

4. Plan ahead.
Making sure you have a title and host home for each month well in advance. Some book clubs enjoy pre-selecting titles for the full year. Others make selections a month or two in advance.

You could even hold an annual meeting to select the year's titles, with all members coming with several titles to suggest, with a vote at the end of the night.

5. Assign a Hostess and Discussion Leader Each Month.
While they can be the same person, sometimes it's easier to break up the responsibilities and not burden one person too much.

6. Choose What Someone Has Read
First and foremost, be sure that any book suggested for the group is one that the person recommending it has already read. Many times readers will hear great things about a book, only to read it later and discover it wasn't what they expected. Book groups read only a few titles every year; they don't have the luxury of reading bad books.

This is particularly important if the title is from a national press and the contents may or may not be questionable. It's easy to get halfway into a book and realize it's not appropriate for the book club. Other times, the book just isn't as good as you expected.

6. The Discussion Leader's Job
This job shouldn't be scary. The discussion leader simply brings information about the author and the book to share with the group. She also provides questions to pose if the discussion needs a kick start or mid-meeting boost.

The discussion leader can also help keep everyone on track so you actually discuss the book—it's easy sometimes to get into chitchat and forget why you're there.

7. Serve Food.
While refreshments are certainly not necessary, simple treats are a fun way to end the evening, especially if they're tied to the book or author in some way.

8. Ask the Author.
Many authors are very willing to answer book club questions in advance, call a book club and participate over the phone or via web cam, or even attend a book club in person. Check their website to see if it's a possibility for the book you chose. You might even find discussion questions on their website.

9. Go for Variety.
Instead of reading just one type of book, such as doctrinal works, non-fiction, romances, or whatever your group tends to gravitate toward, try something new. Throw in a classic, a young adult novel, a fantasy, a mystery, or a self-help book. Some groups refuse to read LDS fiction or refuse to read anything but LDS fiction. Both ways of going about book clubs tend to run the group into a rut. Find fresh territory by breathing some life into your group with a new kind of book.

On the other hand, finding variety can be a challenge when a book group is sponsored by a ward Relief Society, because in that case the books need to stay closer to gospel standards than in a book group that doesn't have church-approved stamp on it and can't risk offending anyone. (A tall order, since each reader's level of tolerance is totally different.)

If your group is interested in LDS fiction, a good place to look for quality LDS novels is the finalists and winners pages for the Whitney Awards, which recognize the best fiction written by LDS writers each year. Find the finalists from 2007 here and the 2008 finalists here. The 2009 finalists will be announced early February 2010, and the winners will be awarded in April.

Below is a list of newer novels by LDS writers that provide great fodder for book group discussions:

• Bound on Earth, by Angela Hallstrom. A group of connected short stories about an LDS family, complete with individual imperfections as they strive to live the gospel. (2008 Whitney winner for Best Novel by a New Author.)
• Her Good Name, by Josi S. Kilpack, 2007 Whitney Award winner. A gripping story about identity theft. Particularly timely in today's world.
• Abinadi and Alma, by 2-time Whitney Award winner, H. B. Moore. The author takes the Book of Mormon stories we all know and brings them to life in a fresh way. In the former, she asks: What if Abinadi wasn't the old man we're used to seeing in Frieberg's painting? What if he was a young husband with child? In the latter, we see Alma growing into his role as a prophet and leader of his people.
• In a Dry Land, by Elizabeth Petty Bentley. Another book with themes and challenges that are real and yet true to the gospel. There are no easy answers here. Fascinating story.
• Master, by Toni Sorensen. A beautiful fictional look at the Savior's life, told through the eyes of a fictional childhood friend of Christ. (2008 Whitney finalist for Best Historical.)
• My Not-So-Fairy-Tale Life, by Julie Wright. A great launching point for discussing sin, repentance, and the power of Atonement along with the issues surrounding adoption.
• Waiting for the Light to Change, by Annette Haws. Great for discussing the complexities of family relationships, the angst of high school, and how every person's actions can affect the future in ways you cannot predict. (2008 Whitney Award winner for Best General Novel.)
• Traitor, by Sandra Gray. A different look at World War II with fascinating characters and an intriguing premise: What if a German fell in love with an American spy. More importantly, can you be both Nazi and a faithful Mormon? This novel took the Whitney for Best Novel in 2008.
• The Reckoning, by Tanya Parker Mills. This self-published book was a 2008 Whitney Award finalist in several categories, and it definitely deserved the honor. The novel is a fascinating look inside the life of an American woman who lived in Iraq as a child . . . and taken prisoner as an adult. This one is full of book club discussion fodder.
• All the Stars in Heaven, by 2007 Whitney winner in the Romance category, Michele Paige Holmes. This is a refreshing LDS novel in that while it has some LDS characters, they are minor ones, and the main characters are not LDS and don't convert. It's a suspenseful romance that centers on real issues that have real-life application and that should be discussed, primarily the dangers of drug use.
• Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet, by Jaime Ford. This New York Times best-selling novel is written by an LDS American man of Chinese descent. The story is seamlessly told between World War II and the 1980s, two time lines that impact Harry, a Chinese American whose best friend, a Japanese American girl, Keiko, was taken away with her family and relocated in an interment camp. A fascinating, poignant, and heartbreaking read. Lots of great themes and topics to discuss here.
• When Hearts Conjoin, by Erin Herrin and Lu Ann Brobst Staheli. This memoir is about the famous conjoined Herrin twins and their amazing separation surgery. But it's about more than that; the book also goes into the mother's story: how she met and married their father, their marital troubles, their decision to keep the babies after they learned that they were conjoined, and so much more. This is a relatively short book, and once you open it, chances are, you won't put it down until you're done.

Handled well, book groups can be great literary experiences where long-time friends are made.

Good luck!

Return to the Neighborhood.

Great Christmas Reads

It's that time of year: the snow is falling, the air is crisp, and the temptation increases to curl up with a cup of hot cocoa and a great book.

As the years have gone by, our family has collected several Christmas picture books that we have made it a tradition to read the days leading up to Christmas. A novel or two has managed to sneak into the pile, as well as a few others, and this year, I'm adding yet more books to the stack.

It's no secret that books play a big role in my life and that I try to instill that love into my children any way I can. Reasons abound, but some of them include that how important not only reading and writing will be to them as they grow up, but so will understanding the world around them, expanding their imaginations, learning to be compassionate individuals, and so much more, all of which can be learned through reading.

Trying to make them great readers hasn't been easy all the time, but gradually, they've all come to love books.

One thing we've done is develop a tradition in our home for Christmas, one our children look forward to each year. On Christmas Eve, each child gets two gifts from Mom and Dad: a new pair of pajamas and a book.

(I must say, books are getting cheaper as they age; paperback novels cost so much less than hardback picture books!) Some years the kids get surprised by their Christmas books, while other years, they beg and plead for a specific book for Christmas.

I love that they care as much about a book as they do about anything they ask Santa for, that Christmas morning, they're just as likely to be hanging out in their new pajamas curled up with that new book as they are to be playing with their new toys.

Score one for literacy.

This holiday season, whether you're trying to find just the right gift for a friend or family member (a book, a book!), trying to find another good novel to read to the kids, or something that the little ones will enjoy by the light of the twinkling lights of the tree, give some of the holiday titles below a shot.

They all have my stamp of approval.

The Crippled Lamb, by Max Lucado

This sweet story is about a lamb who can't go on a trip with the rest of the flock because of his deformed leg. His best friend, a cow, has always said that God knew him and that he was special, but on that night, the lamb is particularly sad because he's left behind. And then a man and woman arrive, and a baby is born and is cold because it has no clothing. While the man goes to find something to wrap the child in, the lamb has the honor of warming the Savior of the world. It's a sweet, touching story, and a reminder that while we're all weak and crippled in our ownway, God can still find a powerful use for us all.

Mooseltoe, by Margie Palatini, illustrated by Henry Cole

A silly Christmas story about a father moose with a giant mustache who does everything to make the holiday perfect . . . but in the process, forgets to buy a tree. When he finally goes to getone, they're all sold out. In the end, the children decorate him.

The Tale of Three Trees, Angela Elwell Hunt and Tim Jonke
Here's one story that's just as appropriate for Easter as it is for Christmas, because it focuses not just on the birth of Christ, but on His entire life and mission. The three trees each get to be a present and part of his life at significant locations and moments: the manger, the boat, the cross.

The Gift of the Magi, by O. Henry

A classic tale of selflessness told by the master, one that's been retold dozens of times. Find one that has good illustrations to do the story justice.


The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, by Barbara Robinson
I loved, loved, loved reading this classic to my kids again when they were finally old enough to sit still and listen. We read a chapter or two a night to get through it so they wouldn't squirm. I laughed. I cried. I hope they understood it. If they didn't last time, they'll get another chance this year.



The Forgotten Carols, by Michael McClean
The year my husband and I got engaged, we spent a night reading this book and listening to each carol and we came to it. As our kids came along, we kept the tradition going, but eventually it would take a good week to get it, since little people have a hard time sitting that long. While it was a great experience, we finally broke down one year and decided to get the DVD to watch for Family Home Evening. The kids loved it. I still recommend the book and CD way of doing it, but for families, the DVD is a great shortcut. Michael McClean performs the main role of John himself, and his two sons are also major parts of the show.

Santa Maybe, by Aubrey Mace

New this year (and newly read by me!), this novel is a sweet, funny read for any hopeless romantic out there. Abbie is 30, single, and insists she's happy being that way. But one Christmas Eve she admits to herself that she is lonely, that she'd like more to her life than what she had. In a private (and, to herself, rather silly) moment writes a little letter and leave it by the tree for Santa asking for a husband. "I'll take good care of him," she promises.

In the middle of the night, she's woken up by a thump coming from her living room, where she finds a man lying under her tree with pajamas, some money . . . and no memory.




All Is Bright
This brand new collection of true Christmas stories was recently published by Covenant in time for the 2009 Christmas season. It features stories by Anita Stansfield, Annette Lyon (that's me!), H. B. Moore, Gregg Luke, Kristen McKendry, Lynn Jaynes, Matthew Buckley, and Julie Wright. Many of the stories are downright heart-warming. It's only $4.95 at Deseret Book.











Stolen Christmas: Stories of the Season

This book features the winners of a Christmas short story contest. The book is titled after the winning entry, which was written by one of my favorite writers. "Stolen Christmas" is by Sarah M. Eden, who was a Whitney Award finalist in the Romance category in 2008 and whose next book will be out with Covenant next summer. Many other great writers' stories are featured in the book, which costs only $7.99 plus shipping. Buy it HERE.

Kids and Chores: The Constant Battle

As parents, we know it’s important to teach our children the value of work. But even after teaching them to do the job, there’s the tricky bit of getting them to actually do it—without the nagging, without the whining, and without the punishments or anything else negative attached. It's exhausting and enough to make a parent want to give up.

Don't give up. Instead, give some the tips below a try. No method will work all the time for all children, but that’s okay. I’ve found that shaking things up a bit from time to time can keep them willing to work, or at least be more willing to get it down now rather than put it off.

Even Little Ones Can Work
When my youngest was a preschooler, she certainly couldn't mop a floor or mow the lawn like her older siblings. But she was still part of the family, and as such, I needed to find chores for her to do. While it was awfully tempting to do them myself—I knew I can do just about anything better and faster than she could—it was important that she, too, contributed to the family and felt part of the dynamic.

So instead of lumping entire rooms into a single chore, I split them up by difficulty. In the bathroom, a toddler can change towels, empty the trash, and maybe even clean the mirror, while an older sibling can scrub the shower, the toilet, and the floor. When all the kids are older, I'll probably lump the rooms together, but until their skill levels are equal, we'll keep it this way.

Daily Chores
In addition to having big Saturday chores lists, each child has an assigned a daily chore. These vary by age and ability, and they rotate every six months. Daily chores could include things like taking out the garbage and recycling, emptying the dishwasher, picking up the family room or living room, or sweeping the kitchen. The littlest one gets a daily chore as well, even if it’s a small one. No one is allowed to play with friends unless they've done their daily chore.

Checklists
Children often need a way to visibly see their progress so they can keep going without getting discouraged. To help, I create checklists for each child on Saturday morning, complete with a box next to each chore they get to mark when it’s done. When our children were too young to read, we’d draw a picture representing each job, such as a rectangle and a rag to represent washing a mirror.

My kids love toting their lists around the house and making nice, big red X’s in each box as they go. It keeps them motivated and on track.

The Mystery Chore Method
During summers, when chores seem more boring than watching grass grow—and the kids are itching to get outside and play in that grass—we sometimes do things the “mystery” chore way. On slips of paper (or even better, on card stock), write down all the chores that need to be done to get the house clean over a 1- or 2-week period. Label two envelopes, one as “To Do” and the other, “Done.”

Each weekday, the children draw out a certain number of slips. As each chore is complete, the slips go into the “Done” envelope. By the time the “To Do” envelope is empty, the house has gotten one thorough cleaning. Dump the slips back into the “To Do” envelope and start over.

A Little Guidance
When one of my girls was quite young, I sent her off to clean her room. Half an hour later, it didn’t look any better. Near tears, she said, “Mom, it’s too hard. I can’t do it.”

She was fully capable of making her bed, cleaning up her toys, and putting her dirty clothes away. But the scope of the job intimidated her; she couldn’t figure out where to start. Instead of cleaning for her, I went to her room and gave directions. “Put those four books on the shelf. Good. Now pick up those Barbies and put them away.” When I broke the job down into manageable bits, she kept on track and got the job done—and I didn’t do it for her.


Games
Younger children especially need motivation, and that’s where getting creative can help. A few ideas we’ve tried:

• Give each child a small plastic cup. You keep the cups—plus a bag of chocolate chips or other small treat—nearby. When given a signal, the kids race around the dirty room, picking up messes, including garbage and small toys. Each time they reach 10 items cleaned (or another predetermined number), they get a chocolate chip into their cup. It's amazing how fast they move just to see their cup fill. (The next time, up the number required to earn the treat!)
  


• Identify one area that needs cleaning. Set a timer for five or ten minutes, promising that after it goes off, they can be done. Then see how much everyone can do in that short period. Knowing the end is near can be liberating for children. Clean yourself during the countdown; kids work faster when you’re at their side.


• Using sticky notes, write down all the chores that need to be done today, one note per chore. Then stick them all over a door or wall. Each child must to do a certain number of chores (say 4 or 5), but gets to pick only one at a time. As soon as they complete one, they can claim their second by choosing another off the wall. Kids are motivated by knowing that if they hurry, they’ll get the chores they want to do.

Combining chores and kids sometimes feel like oil and water, but for their sake, it’s important that you keep at it and teach them to work. Use some of these ideas—and then come up with more of your own.


One day, they just might thank you.

Toddler Testimony

I was what felt like fifteen months pregnant with my third child. I also had a toddler of about three and a half, plus a two-year-old. Hormones raged through my bloodstream, my back hurt, I could hardly walk, and I had a pregnancy-induced migraine.

But even without all that, the day would have been ugly.

My husband was gone all that Sunday morning at church meetings. The kids fought and screamed and threw tantrums. My cute little two-year-old decided she was mad at me—likely for something along the lines of not letting her beat up her older brother again—and in retaliation, smugly left puddles of pee all over the house.

She was potty trained by this point but knew exactly how to push Mommy’s buttons.

The house was a wreck, the kids wouldn’t listen to me, and I was holding down the fort alone. How in the world could I be expected to get the crew ready for church? Why should I bother getting them ready for church, when I was such an obvious failure as a mother?

I collapsed on one of the bottom stairs next to the kitchen and burst into tears. I had two kids I was already failing at raising, and a third ready to pop out. What was I thinking?

The future looked bleak. From here on out, things could only get worse.

I needed some sign that the choices I had made were good and right, and that I wasn’t crazy for wanting to be a mother. That I wasn’t a total failure of a mother. That these little people I had been given charge of wouldn’t regret having me to be the one to nurture them. I was teary-eyed as I cleaned up the messes on the carpet and wrestled with the kids and my abundant self to get us ready for church.

When we arrived, the family filed into a pew and sat down. I’ll never forget the opening hymn: “Home Can Be a Heaven on Earth.”

Someone is mocking me, I thought, unable to sing as my throat constricted and tears blurred the words in the hymnal. "Home" and "heaven" didn’t belong in the same breath, as far as I was concerned.

As the meeting went on, I gave my almost four-year-old son some crayons and paper to doodle on to keep him happy and quiet—a Herculean expectation for a rambunctious little person.

Near the end of the meeting, a woman spoke. I don’t remember much about her talk besides how she bemoaned that her brother had lost his faith in God and now challenged hers. She quoted him repeatedly saying, “How can there be a God if . . .”

After she said this phrase several times, my little guy popped his head up from his artwork and leaned toward me. With a shake of his head, he let out a scoff, then whispered, “Mom, we know there’s a God.” With another sad little shake of his head, he returned to his crayons.

I sat there, an unexpected joy shooting through me that was so strong it was almost painful.

Who cared if he never put his breakfast dishes away as he’d been taught to for months?

Who cared if his sister kept making puddles out of revenge?

The most important thing I could possibly pass on to my children was a belief in a loving God.

Somehow, I’d given that to my little boy.

A single thought came to mind, and this time I believed it:

You’re doing fine.

I wrapped my arm around his little shoulders and kissed the top of his head. “That’s right,” I whispered back. “We know there’s a God.”